Style?

So, I decided to throw out everything in my closet and re-style myself for 2011.

Time to get on the net and find some relevant styled clothing!  And that’s when everything went down the shitter.

A quick Google search for Men’s style returns sites like GQ Magazine, Men’s Health: Style, Esquire, and a site called Luxist (who is responsible for the insanely fucking stupid man-purse you see on your left, on their FUCKING HOME PAGE).

And herein lies the problem.

So I changed my Google search to “Men’s style -douche”, which… Returns the same fucking results.  Here is what’s “hot” this year, according to GQ magazine and, yes… These are actually MEN:

No, seriously… Here’s the source

If anyone has a line on a site I can check out for style that won’t make me look like a flaming hipster douche-bag, please let me know.

Oh, shit.

As painful as it is to realize, I live in one of the “Douchiest States of America”.  According to Manolith.com (clearly an expert on douchbaggery), Florida ranks high in the douche-per-capita ratings.  Well, I guess we had it coming with all of the sunshine and tanning salons…  God help us all.

See the story here

Rich DUMMY!

This is both fantastic, and sad news.  The infamous and, quite possibly the most ridiculous, kick in the American balls to ever exist has been earmarked for destruction.

Why it’s fantastic:
With international eyes so closely focused on the US, this over-sized gas-guzzling monster added yet another stigma to the overweight, unhealthy, and greedy American personification.  The Hummer was so over-the-top that owners were the object of ridicule from even their American neighbors.  All of this doesn’t even mention the safety issue;  imagine for a moment being next to this dinosaur on a motorcycle or scooter!

Why it’s sad:
I am personally, very upset about this.   Every time I saw one of these mindless purchases I relished in the moment of rolling down my window and screaming “douchebag!” or “rich dummy!” at the top of my lungs.  Today marks the end of a staple in American society that wasn’t missed even by popular media.

Not to worry, I’m sure another company will step up to fill the void that Hummer has left behind.

Are you a Poser!?

You see them everywhere: punk hair-cut, loud striped pants, and a Rancid T-Shirt… As if this 13 year old kid even knows who Rancid is.

Posers
Jackass with collar popped Weather it be race-car-wanna-be Hondas with huge wings and cheap fiberglass body kits, or mo-hawk, no-gear-wearing, flip-flop, wanna-be bikers… I’ve had it. It’s time to be who you are. And if you don’t like that person, change it up. But don’t try to convince us that you know how to pole vault just because you watched the Olympics once.

Sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken!
– Tyler Durden [Fight Club]

Take pride in who you are, stay true to yourself, and be honest with others. Otherwise, you might end up on here.

Am I a poser?
To determine if you might be a poser, take this quick test:

  1. Do you have multiple personality clothing in your closet? Meaning, does your wardrobe look like it was stolen from the Village People‘s trailer? If you have a leather biker jacket next to your faggy pink Polo, next to a Ramone’s jacket… Check the “I am a poser” box.
  2. Does your accent, or diction (look it up, jackass) change when with different groups of people? Example: If you speak as if you were on a Tennis court with your parents, but when with friends use the phrases “true that”, “dawg” or “walk it out” excessively, it’s time to accept that you are a poser.

OMG! I’m a poser! What can I do?
Firstly, good work! Admission of guilt is the first step to recovery. Now go into your closet and burn everything you own. Once that’s done. It’s time to decide who it is you want to be. And you’re going to have to stick with it, so take your time. Now you’re ready to become the NEW YOU: The only-one-new-you.

Good luck!