“I’m sorry” makes it all better

nsaLogo1What’s everyone clamoring on about?  Didn’t you hear that the NSA is sorry?

Totally innocent!Anyway, it’s only .00004% of total web traffic so that makes it OK.  You know, kind of like when someone calls a guy a serial killer, but he’s totally not.  I mean, he only killed that ONE guy.  That’s not serial.  That’s completely fine.  It’s like it doesn’t even count.  He totally apologized for it anyway, I mean give the guy a break!

The good news is that the NSA has completed an internal investigation and come forth with this information without any outside pressure.  Well, except for that one guy who basically threw his life away to tell us about it.  But other than that, no pressure at all.  Because they’re totally transparent that way.  Except that they’re not…  Not at all.  Not even in the least bit.

Usually, this is the part where I tweet and email the organization I’m talking about and raise holy-internet-hell, but I have a sinking feeling they’ve already read this.


Membership has its… Downside

When reading an article like this one, I’m reminded of the timeless words of Groucho Marx who famously wrote:

“Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member”.

Or, perhaps more poignantly, Gandhi’s words say it better:

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

The problem wasn’t ever the Republican party, it’s the Republicans; it’s the NRA, it’s the radical right, and it’s the crusaders against science and logic.

If history has taught us anything, I would think it is that an organization is only as “good” as its membership.

Pandering and failure

Buckle your seat belts, America!  Here we go again!

Gun violence is on the climb, mass shootings are occurring at a more frequent rate, and the fear-fueled media-machine is pumping full force.

Ban assault weapons!  Ban high-capacity magazines!  Ban running because my little kid skinned his knee!  Ban!  Ban!!

So here we are again, on the precipice of another assault weapons ban…

Or are we?

The truth is, these ban-happy Democrats face a gun-happy cash-backed Republican firing squad in congress and this snap-reaction law waving is about to clog up an already useless legislative branch for fucking years.

We could be spending cycles of debate on education, health care, poverty, and technology, but we won’t.  We never do.  Just like Hollywood movies, the American public wants to watch a drama play out on TV that keeps us on the edge of our seats!

Global hunger?  Boring.

We’re going over the “Fiscal Cliff ” tomorrow?  WOO HOO!!  Who do you think Boehner hates more, Obama or Pelosi?!  I can’t wait for next week’s episode!

Congratulations America!  You’ve signed us up for another season of our favorite show: “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, we voted for that guy?”

Everybody loses

Even if the congress manages to put together some kind of sweeping gun legislation, banning some kind of weapons, maybe high-capacity magazines, maybe trigger-fingers… We still lose.

Gun legislation makes absolutely no difference in gun related crime.  Statistics don’t lie.

Best case scenario:  We spend a year debating legislation that clogs congress, takes up time, creates more pork-filled excuses to pass other bullshit and fixes nothing.

Worst case:  No legislation ever comes out of this and we waste millions of taxpayer dollars chasing a whim…  Again.

In the event that my opinion isn’t clear:  America, I so badly want to love you…  But you suck.

Health Care and Firearms?

When “Obama Care” was voted into law, I found myself explaining to a friend how it would affect her. My explanation, unintentionally,  clarified my own beliefs about healthcare and the healthcare law and how it relates to special interest groups here in the US. See, the law not only provides no separation between “health care” and “medical insurance“, but, arguably solidifies their interchangeability.

Here’s how I imagine it played out:

  • Liberal government decided that “healthcare is a basic human right” and decided to create legislation that makes healthcare available to everyone.
  • Conservative government, pushed by their health-insurance-company-campaign-financing pushed back on the legislation and forced the bill to provide another insurance option, instead of just free health care, thereby merging the two terms.

We have come to a point in American history where the health insurance companies need to create this merger or face the possibility of being lost forever in the ever-growing antiquated business model bucket like newspapers and land-line telephone services.  This is just “good business”, and we-the-people are just as at fault as the politicians given that their power was awarded by our votes.

Has it occurred to anyone else that the most recent “gun control” push is the result of a closed-door health-care conversation?

Many have argued that the conversation we should be having is one about “mental illness”, but that would suggest a conversation about healthcare, which would inevitably lead to a conversation about the relationship (or lack thereof) of “health care” and “medical insurance”.

Maybe we will enter another assault weapon ban, maybe we won’t.  But the simple fact is, it doesn’t matter.  Crime didn’t come to a screeching halt the last time we banned all that stuff, and it won’t again this time.

But that isn’t the point.

Beyond all of the NRA, high-capacity-magazine, assault-rifle, baby-killing demonstrations, picketing and screaming no one will be able to hear the soft giggles of the health insurance companies as they quietly push their wheelbarrows full of cash to the bank.

The best laid plans of… Idiots

I read an article earlier today explaining why Romney lost the election.  The writer claimed that his biggest problem was the absence of cash early in the campaign.  Other articles have claimed that the 47% gaffe cost Romney the win, and still others are sticking with the Latino vote or maybe it was “all the single ladies”.

But the truth is that none of these is solely responsible for Mitt’s loss, and honestly, the combination of all of them still doesn’t account for Obama’s win.  The real reason wasn’t Hispanic voters and anyone who owns a TV or a radio knows it sure as hell wasn’t related to campaign funding.  It was Mitt himself.

How quickly we forget the early days of the circus-like battle for the Republican nomination.  The most entertaining part of the entire election process, for me, was to watch the almost overnight “support” that Mitt Romney created when it was clear he would get the official Republican nomination.  Now, you’ll have to think back a bit, through the haze of campaign commercials and robo-calls.  Let’s think back to a time where Romney was not only trailing behind the infamously insane Rick Santorum, but even crazier Michele Bachmann, and way behind “Moon-base” Newt Gingrich.  No one was singing his praises then…  But I digress.  It is silly of me to think Republican voters weren’t “all in” on their pal Mitt from the start.

Or is it?

Maybe what really happened here is that the GOP settled for the candidate who said the least number of fucking-stupid things in public.  Maybe the right just decided that cult-ish white-bread mayonnaise wasn’t quite as bad as a heaping helping of bat-shit crazy horse radish.  And, this seemed like a safe play.  Well, right up until the media got a heavy helping of Mormonism’s wacky beliefs and Pseudo-religious Republican rape commentary.

It’s post time, Republican leadership.  Time to accept that, not only did you put a douche-canoe in a completely unfair position of having to run against a far less douchey politician, but you’ve completely lost control of your party altogether.  It’s not hard, really, to pick out the exact point when things started to spiral out of control.  You were never “in control”.  And to even suggest that you had a handle on the evolution of your own platform is just completely invalid.

And while we’re on the topic of post time, I’d like to take a minute and call out the Romney fans.  You aren’t Romney fans, you are “Guy-Who-Is-Not-Obama” fans.  Seriously, you would have voted for Republican nominee Count Dracula if he was running against Obama, so stop telling everyone what a huge Romney fan you are.

None of you fucktards even knew he existed before he started shaking his rich ass in your face at the Republican National Convention debates.

So what happened to the Republican party platform?

The Tea Party happened.  Started by the GOP as “a far right-wing” group (presumably to make the rest of the party appear more centrist) “The Tea Party” concept has now totally backfired and completely taken over the Republican party.  Unsurprisingly, this has left no discernible centrist opinion on the red side of the isle and systematically alienated all but the most religious and thereby, least logical, of the bunch.  I don’t want to ruin the end of the movie, GOP, but most of the country is CENTRIST.  Seriously mind blowing stuff, I know!  Sorry you had to find out this way.

The Good News

If nothing else at least we’ve proven that the Faux News fear mongering, although almost as addictive as Jerry Springer, didn’t sway the American public to the point of actually electing this guy based solely on the fact that he “isn’t Obama”.  Additionally, just like the last dozen wanna-be-President-elects, Romney will quietly slip into 3rd page news and continue to make insanely stupid commentary distancing him from the rest of the population from the sidelines.

The Bad News

We have, yet again, proven that out of 300 million Americans, the best we can come up with is more bought-and-paid-for, corporate-backed whores who stand for nothing and will completely change their “beliefs” on a moment’s notice to get your vote.

Tall glass of STFU

I’m surrounded by jack-holes.

Watching the debate after already picking your favorite is like reading internet reviews of your car model after you’ve already purchased it.

Do all of us a favor and don’t post that political rant you are about to submit about that out-of-context-one-thing that one guy just said.

Seriously:  Quoting asshats just makes you one.

Liar liar

“How can you tell if a politician is lying?  His mouth is open.”  And 2011 proved to supply no shortage of political bullshit, as captured on FactCheck.org.

Here were some of my favorites:

The U.S. will “lose 1.6 million jobs over five years if we keep Obamacare”.

– Rep. Michele Bachmann

Republican candidates endorsing a plan that would “essentially end Medicare” and amount to “cutting benefits for seniors”.

– Democratic political ad

HPV vaccine causes mental retardation

– Rep. Michele Bachmann

And, of course, the standard play of “the race card”:

Parenthood’s founder wanted to prevent “black babies from being born,” and that the organization built 75 percent of its clinics in black communities.

– Herman Cain

I guess it’s reassuring, seeing “the other half” play at each other in petty, half-baked lies and swipes.  Not that it makes them any more connected to what goes on in the rest of the country, but at least it’s entertaining for a while.  Check out the full list of whoppers here.

Again America?

So, we’ve managed to do it again.  320 million Americans and we managed to pick two more asshats to run against each other for president.

This would be fucking hilarious if it wasn’t completely true.

Once again, we’ve empowered “our” presidential choices to stand up for what they really believe in:  Big oil, the money-swallowing war machine, overwhelming poverty, continued unemployment, and special interest lobbying.  Congratulations America!  You did it again!  I would say I’m surrounded by idiots, but how would that be different from any other day?  So run, Americans!  Run out and vote for your favorite asshat!  Vote like it makes a difference which one of these shitbags ends up with the reigns!  But make mo mistake… It doesn’t.  Neither of these guys care about you.  Neither of these guys care about your job.  And neither of them give a single shit about your kids’ education, your local economy, your religious beliefs, gay marriage, religion in schools, or the price of tea in China.

Stop kidding yourself America!  Presidential elections are about power and money for the nominees and their special interest groups, and NOTHING else.

Quoting my friend (and avid reader) Alakriti:

I’ve invented my own IQ test, a piece of paper, saying “Which of these people are most qualified for President: 1) Obama 2) Romney” anything short of tearing up the paper and throwing it in the garbage you’re considered mentally retarded.

Nugget for brains

Asshat.  You see that word a lot on my blog.  I use it to describe the lowest-bottom-feeding douchebags, and I think Mr Nugent is certainly no exception.  In fact, I’ve been thinking (since starting this blog) that asshat isn’t enough of a description.

Ted Nugent has been in the news pretty regularly since Obama took office.  Apparently, writing a hit song 30 years ago is what qualifies today’s political experts.

So, let me break down what Nugget brains and I agree on:
“If guns cause crime, all of mine are defective.” – Ted Nugent
I couldn’t agree more.  Guns no more cause crime than hammers cause houses to be built.

And… That’s about it.  Second amendment rights should be protected with great vigilance and effort.

Here’s some more “quotables” by the genius Nugent:

  • “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”
  • “Big bangs don’t make this, … That’s not a big bang. God made that. That’s a liver. That’s mystical. You and I can’t make livers. Things banging don’t make livers. This is mystical stuff. This is magic. This is perfection.”
  • “Obama’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun”
  • “War is good when good survives and evil is crushed. If you don’t crush evil then evil will get you.”

First, verbally threatening political figures is dangerous, but you’ll find out about that pretty soon.  Secondly discounting the creation of the Earth by calling on an imaginary guy in the sky is like blaming thunder on Aliens with gas.  Finally, war… is never good.  War is NEVER good, Ted.  In fact, some of the brightest minds in the world have argued that it isn’t EVER NECESSARY.

Ted, you are no hero.  You are an asshat that embodies everything that is wrong with America.  You are every reason I tell people (internationally) that I am Canadian when I travel.  You are an embarrassment to Americans, and more to the point, mankind.

Your next president: Mr Cash!

I’m aware we’re all caught up in the latest election craziness but allow these guys to put this into perspective for you.

Lobbyists: How We Run Washington

Leave it to me to offer a nice walk down “We’re completely fucked” lane that ends at the White House… Or does it?

Fact is, it doesn’t matter if you vote for Obama, Romney, Santorum, or even Kermit the fucking frog…  Cash rules Congress, Congress rules Washington, Washington rules us.

Any questions?  Feel free to ask your congressman, who will just ignore you anyway.