MyExWifeIsAWhore.com

Where satire meets utter cynicism

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

As the smoke clears

I spent over 10 years with a cigarette in my hand.  And I was an on-again/off-again smoker before that.  But just over three weeks ago, I snuffed out my last butt.

No patches, no gum, no supplemental medication and no sissy half-assed-attempt quitting device.  I did what many call “Cold Turkey“.  I think the best way to quit smoking is to STOP BUYING cigarettes and STOP SMOKING them.

Anyway, I’ve had some interesting experiences since quitting and none of them are mentioned in any list of what is supposed to happen.  And additionally, the great stuff that was promised to me hasn’t shown up yet…

Dreams

My dreaming has become more vivid and frequent than I can ever remember it being in the past.  I’ve been told that this is a common side-effect of the quit smoking drug Chantix, but didn’t expect it from quitting on my own.  Makes me wonder if the dreaming is an effect of quitting, but the drug enhances it?

Allergies

Another interesting side-effect is allergies to pollen and weed and such, which before only flared up for a few days in the spring, now are a consistent source of sneezing and coughing.  Perhaps the smoking was suppressing my natural allergies, or more likely suppressing my body’s natural reaction to the allergens.

Stronger sense of smell

This was a big promise on the list that hasn’t come to realization.  And it’s one that aggravates me a little, since it would be a welcome enhancement.  I’ve detected no change in my ability to smell anything except the presence of cigarette smoke.  Since I no longer smoke, I can smell that a mile away.  Otherwise, my sense of smell is unaffected.

Whitening of the teeth

Another empty promise.  I’m using the whitening mouth wash, and the whitening toothpaste, and I have yet to see any difference.  There’s no way I’m quitting coffee too.

The big promise

The really big pluses of quitting don’t show up until you’ve been smoke free for a year or more: Lessened chance of stroke, coronary heart disease and heart attack, improved lung function, decreased occurrences of cough, shortness of breath and so on.  But I’ll get there, and I really hope I pick up that super sense of smell along the way, and some pearly’er whites would be appreciated too…

posted by Keyboard Devil at 11:51 am  

Monday, February 14, 2011

“Dream Rangers”

This is awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vksdBSVAM6g

posted by Keyboard Devil at 11:31 am  

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I don’t care

I don’t care if you’re gay. I don’t care if you’re Republican. I don’t even care if you’re a Christian, Jew, Muslim, or from Mars.

If you are a candidate for political office I will hold you to the same standards I hold every candidate.

We have to get past partisan bullshit, people.  Time to elect the BEST PEOPLE FOR THE JOB.  Get over your fear, get over your right/left voting history, and GET OVER YOURSELF.

The current administration (like the past 5 or so) only care about lining their pockets with your retirement money.

Let’s stop bickering over conservative vs liberal (a completely made up argument, by the way) and vote for people who will HELP us fix this.

Your fear of homosexuals, “anchor babies”, witchcraft, Catholic priests, black people, liberals, conservatives, socialists… It’s all MADE UP.  Stop watching fear news and do some research on the candidates, then vote for someone who won’t fuck us in the ass for the next few years.

I don’t care if you are a Republican.  I don’t care if you are a Democrat.  Actually THINK about your choices, and vote for the best candidate.

This isn’t rocket science, it’s democracy.  Quit fucking it up.

posted by Keyboard Devil at 8:20 am  

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Stormtrooper?

So, on my latest trip I find this stormtrooper in my jacket pocket.  Only, I have no idea where he came from.  While I was out of town last time, some friends of mine played some pranks and did some crazy shit to my house (covered the walls in post-it notes, moved furniture, etc) so naturally, I accused them of planting the figurine in my jacket.

But, they claim they had nothing to do with it.

So, here I am, on a business trip in Boston, with this stormtrooper.

And so begins the great stormtrooper photo blog.  I plan to take him everywhere with me.

Just need a name for him now.  I was thinking maybe Fred, or Chuck.  Let me know what you think.

Stay tuned for more stormtrooper coverage!!

posted by Keyboard Devil at 8:24 pm  

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Good news, everyone!

I’m not a TV nut, in fact there are only a few shows I actually like enough to DVR.

However, I am very excited for tonight’s unveiling of new Futurama episodes!

Fox announced that Comedy Central had picked up the show for 26 all-new episodes. The new batch begins tonight, with two episodes airing starting at 10 p.m.

posted by Keyboard Devil at 10:32 am  

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Flying Trapeze lessons?

On a normal day, that title would be a metaphor, or a joke.  But not today.

Seriously…  This photo was taken by me not an hour ago on US 192 near Celebration.  WTF?!

Try and fathom the insurance on this setup.

posted by Keyboard Devil at 10:45 am  

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Say “No” to socialism

Those of you who know me, know that I’m not left or right leaning.  In fact, I like to think that I hate both sides of the American parties equally.

That being said, this image is still pretty funny (click it!).

posted by Keyboard Devil at 7:33 am  

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I said EVAR, and I meant it

An “avid” reader posted this on a forum I frequent:

I too go to [KeyboardDevil] for views on current events. I find he and keyborddevil.com to be as accurate as most of our news choices I especially like the Best Blog Ever section !!
It is the main reason my relationship stays solid .. He has saved my marriage on several occasions.

See? I’m doing something good. LOL

posted by Keyboard Devil at 10:19 am  

Monday, November 2, 2009

Laugh, feel bad, then laugh again

Finally, the world has given us the ultimate guilty pleasure website:

Here it is… The ultimate guilty pleasure website: First you laugh, then you feel bad, then you laugh some more. http://www.fatkidsfalling.com

First you laugh, then you feel bad, then you laugh some more.

posted by Keyboard Devil at 6:17 pm  

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Zombies vs science

zombie1I’m glad to see we’re finally taking this seriously.  Well, as serious as the BBC can be, anyway.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8206280.stm

Prepare yourselves.  The zombie apocalypse is coming, and I’m already tired of saying “I told you so“!

posted by Keyboard Devil at 9:38 pm  
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