Style?

So, I decided to throw out everything in my closet and re-style myself for 2011.

Time to get on the net and find some relevant styled clothing!  And that’s when everything went down the shitter.

A quick Google search for Men’s style returns sites like GQ Magazine, Men’s Health: Style, Esquire, and a site called Luxist (who is responsible for the insanely fucking stupid man-purse you see on your left, on their FUCKING HOME PAGE).

And herein lies the problem.

So I changed my Google search to “Men’s style -douche”, which… Returns the same fucking results.  Here is what’s “hot” this year, according to GQ magazine and, yes… These are actually MEN:

No, seriously… Here’s the source

If anyone has a line on a site I can check out for style that won’t make me look like a flaming hipster douche-bag, please let me know.

Chapter 5: Closing Remarks

The fifth, and final chapter of my article “Tricks of the Trade”. See the first post here See the whole category here.

Now, get to reading…

A Few Closing Remarks

Be a Low-maintenance conversationalist

The key to conversation with your target is to give her the impression that it is being led by both of you, couple barbut requires little effort to keep it going. With the large number of possible guys to meet, women assign great value to a guy who is ‘low-maintenance’ in the area of conversation. Try to have 2 or 3 emergency topics before approaching her, just in case the conversation gets stale: “Where did you grow up?”, “Any brothers or sisters?”, “Where did you go to High School/College?” Engage her, challenge her, and entice her, but do it with subtlety. Practice, practice, practice.

Try to have fun.

Dating is a game that should be played with smiles and laughter. Don’t expect to take someone home every night; applying that kind of pressure to yourself will show in your attitude (especially when it gets late in the evening), and she’ll pick up on it. Remember that every encounter with a woman is a lesson. Minimally, you’ll get experience that you can use in a later meeting.

Mix it up a bit

For well-rounded knowledge of women, approach targets of all walks-of-life. Talk to blonds, brunettes, tall girls, short girls, and even women of another color (if you like). These experiences will help you find common trends, and provide you with a more accurate game-plan before you approach the next one. Most people will tell you not to generalize, but I won’t. Generalizations exist, because they’re usually accurate.

Make her feel beautiful

This is a great tactic. beautifulWomen (like everyone else) love to feel beautiful and desirable. Try to create a situation where she gets to be the ‘hot chick that everyone wants’. This works especially well if she isn’t the best looking girl in the place. Flirt and be friendly, her ego will do the rest.

Be confident

There’s a fine line between confident and pretentious. Find that line and stay on the confident side. Remember that a sale is being made here. Either you are selling the idea that she should be with you, or she’s selling you the idea that she shouldn’t. Speak deliberately, try not to half-ass your comments or gestures. Follow through.

Don’t be a puppy

puppyTry to be 70%-80% available. If she walks off to talk to someone, stay put and relax with your circle of friends until she gives you the ‘come hither’. People love puppies that follow them everywhere, but no one respects them. Let her do some of the work!

Get Educated

There are a number of books available that study the human mind. Hit your local ‘cool bookstore’ and read a few. And try out some of my tips for meeting women while you’re there!

Chapter 4: Closing the Deal

The fourth chapter of my article “Tricks of the Trade”. See the first post here See the whole category here. There is only 1 more chapter! So get your learn on, and check back next Sunday!

Now, get to reading…

Chapter 4: Closing the Deal

These are my best kept secrets. Nothing is fail-proof, but I have found that these little tips are timeless truths. Half based on psychology, half on experience.

The key to unlock the door

The key element to women is ‘comfort’. If they feel comfortable with you, you’re in. key and lockA woman will sleep with a guy she doesn’t trust, but she won’t sleep with a guy that makes her uncomfortable. The trick here is to find out what she is looking for as far as that comfort goes. This can range from a sly smile to an inside joke, all the way to an in-depth conversation that the two of you shared. Smile, it makes everyone around you comfortable, and it’s almost impossible for her to not smile back. 😉

Boundaries

As far as boundaries, each woman is a case study in and of themselves so you have to be willing to adapt, and change direction as you go. Some will find sly/flirty remarks cute and enticing, some will not. So be careful not to overstep her boundaries. Once you’ve crossed over into the ‘taboo’ with a woman, coming back over the line is NEVER easy. You’ll find yourself labeled before you even finish your sentence. Set safe boundaries, and stick to them until she gives you the “all-clear”.

First impressions

First impressions are important, but what most people fail to realize is that a first impression can go a much longer ways than the first 15 minutes. If you play your cards right, and stay within a comfortable boundary-zone, you can turn a not-so-good first impression into a great one by the end of the evening. No one has a great start every time.

Manner and speech

More important than what you say, is how you say it. Speak softly, but don’t mumble. Enunciate, and speak clearly, but take it down one volume notch to ensure that your target is making an effort to listen. No one likes the guy at the bar who yells every time he talks.

couple talkingPeople (especially women) love to talk about themselves. Talk less, and listen more. Think about what you say before you say it. Here is a specific tool: When saying something that could be construed as a come-on, but isn’t obviously one, use a sly smile and raise one eyebrow just a bit. This makes it more comfortable for the person listening to swallow. If she’s in to you, it’s a come-on, if she’s not sure yet, it’s a lighthearted joke. Either way you can’t loose.

A Touch too much

Personally, I’ve never been big on the ‘touch-for-emphasis’ trick that you learn in public speaking classes. People react differently to physical contact, so it’s best to keep this trick in your bag until you are sure it’s safe to use. DO NOT over use the ‘touch-for-emphasis’ trick, or you’ll be the “guy who gropes everyone” in no time.

Body language

Most people don’t realize that their gestures and stance say more than their words. Think about how easy it is to make out a guy trying to pick up a girl at a bar or club without even having to hear what he’s saying. Body language speaks volumes. So relax, take it slow, and try not to crowd her. Remember that everyone wants what they can’t have, so if you’re not throwing yourself at her, she’ll be intrigued. Sit comfortably at the table, lean back and just ‘chill-out’. If you let her come to you, chances are, she will! Another body language point is eye contact. Be careful with this one. Try not to stare into her soul on the first date, which makes people uncomfortable. Make casual, non-threatening eye contact while she’s talking and you should be just fine. There’s nothing wrong with looking around the room during conversation, but if you spend your evening checking out the scenery (especially while listening) your target may feel like you’re not paying her enough attention.

Can’t you smell that smell?

Cologne can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. All too often I hear that the Good stuffbest applications of cologne are the neck and the ‘south-of-the-border region’. This couldn’t be more incorrect! The most important thing to remember about cologne is: Smells-great, tastes-bad. Try to get very little on your actual skin, a spray on the upper shirt area, one on the lower area, and a touch (not a spray) behind the ears, just below the earlobe. DO NOT spray cologne on your ‘southern-most-tip’.

Speaking of cologne, here’s a little trick that actually works pretty well:  Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. Immediately before picking up your date (given that you’re taking your car), hit the lower-back region of the passenger seat with a spray of your cologne, just one should do it. The smell will stick to her shirt, and when she’s at home later getting undressed, she’ll pull that shirt (and the cologne) right over her head and think about you. It’s a little sneaky, but “all is fair in love and war”.

Sex chat

This one is tricky, and there are really no rules that apply all of the time. I suggest that you stay away from the topic, without obviously avoiding it. This means, if she asks you a specific question, answer it, but don’t consider the door open from here-on-out. Once she’s ready to talk sex, she’ll let you know. Then, just use your best judgment. A big no-no here is talking sex while drunk. Try to keep the sex chat and the ‘truth-serum’ separated, at least at first.

Off color humor

Often when a guy ‘strikes-out’ with a girl during a meeting or first date it is often because of a few badly placed off-color jokes or comments. Your best bet here is to stick with general humor: Try to steer clear of religion, politics, and race. If she brings them up, listen and respond, but try not to go overboard. Learn some witty jokes, they make you look more intelligent and cultured.

“The April Theory”

In my experience, I have found that women (even when they aren’t attracted to you) will compete with other women for your attention. This is just what women do. The name of this theory (“The April Theory”) goes back about 6 or 7 years when I first came to realize how this worked. My target was this cute little redhead, and the competition was a girl named April. To be honest, I got burned pretty badly with this one the first time out, so pay attention and don’t make my mistakes!

April is always a hottieUsually it plays out like this: You’ve been talking to your target, let’s call her “Nancy”. Nancy’s really hot friend “April” has been hanging around a bit keeping an eye on the situation, but not causing you any grief. April usually has something witty and funny to say at random points in your conversation with Nancy (this is how it starts).  As April begins to realize that her friend Nancy is into you, she starts some light-friendly competition for your attention. Body language is huge with this one. April will start leaning in when speaking to you, and being flirty with Nancy. When this happens, be sure to involve them both in the conversation. DO NOT concentrate your efforts solely on April.

Be careful here, let the women compete, but try your best not to force them into a choice. The point here is the chase, not the finish line. Once April knows she can have you if she wants, this game is over. Even worse than that, when the game ends, Nancy won’t want to have anything to do with you because she was your second choice. This is a powerful tool, but can burn you in an instant if you use it incorrectly.

Beware of the ‘girl’s night out’

It is so tempting to approach a group of women on a ‘girl’s night out’ with a few wing-men. Don’t do it! These little groups are almost always an instant shut-down disguised as an easy target. The ‘girl’s night out’ group will toy with you, tear you apart, and probably set you up as the butt of their inside-jokes for the rest of the night. In my opinion, the only way in to the ‘girl’s night out’ group is the ‘single and looking’ girlfriend (there’s usually one). Just be careful, as her friends will most likely be testing you. Let them come to you; if you make the first move, you’ll probably find yourself in the ‘7th circle of dating hell’.

Finishing it off

So, you’ve been working a girl all night and it’s about time to head home. What now? If you live alone, or with roommates, this is an open opportunity to invite her back for drinks and hanging out. Always invite more than just her your first time out, unless the signals are blatantly displayed that she wants to be alone with you.

Some basic rules:

  1. Try to steer clear of the obvious “come home with me” clichés, and make sure she’s not plastered-drunk.
  2. Invite one to two of your friends and one to two of hers back with you (try for the same number of women to men).
  3. Have a large range of drinking/snacking products available at home.
  4. Music: Retro, soft techno, or 80’s-90’s is your best bet. Nothing too loud or too genre-specific.
  5. Candles, preferably vanilla scented. Don’t light the whole place up, just two or three candles in two or three different (but adjoining) rooms.

Chapter 3: Meeting the girl

The third chapter of my article “Tricks of the Trade”.  See the first post here See the whole category here. There are 2 more chapters, one each week, so get your learn on and check back next Sunday!

Now, get to reading…

3. “Shake hands and come out fighting!”

hot chicks and douchebags“One thing you can count on is that women will consistently make poor choices regarding their relationships. How many times have you thought ‘WTF!?  What is that girl doing with that douche-bag!?'”

Being good looking and confidant are not enough if you don’t have the “in” with your target. You actually have to talk to her! There are a few approaches we’ll discuss in this section.

First, let’s get the lingo out of the way.

An “in” is what I call your connection to the girl. You’ve seen her before, you have a mutual friend, or you share the same hairstyle (God help you!), whatever.

The “target” is the girl you’re after. She’s the one you’re trying to meet/date/get to know/take home.

Your “wing man” is a friend/brother/what-have-you that is along for the ride. He knows the rules, and the two of you have worked out the proper signals to know when to save you when saving is needed, and get the hell away when the situation calls for it. You will be his wing man as well, so communication is key.

The Cold Approach

This is, by far, the ugliest way to meet someone. The cold approach is a lot like trying to sell a product or service by way of telephone solicitation. I always suggest against this type of approach for a few reasons:

  1. You’re giving her (and everyone she talks to about you) the impression that you pick up women all the time.
  2. Many women will turn you down based solely on spite for being considered a ‘pick-up’.
  3. This method makes you look un-cultured, and sophomoric to all those standing around you watching, including other targets.
  4. Based on all of the above, your first impression can be shot out the window before you even open your mouth.

This is not to say that the cold approach can’t be used, just that it is the most difficult to pull off. I’ve found that this approach is the most commonly used meeting technique at nightclubs.

Care to join us for a game?

Hotties like pool!This is a variation of the cold approach that works much better than walking up out of nowhere and introducing yourself. The idea here is “get her involved”! Shoot some pool, play some darts, start a drinking game, whatever… Be wary of the first impression during this meeting, it can make or break you.

Have I seen you here before?

This is an incredibly old, but still quite useful technique. When you become a frequent patron in a bar, restaurant or nightclub you’ll start to recognize the familiar faces that also frequent the establishment. Although this is still a bit of a cold approach, you can rest assured (a little, anyway) that you already have something in common. It’s always a good idea to have a wing-man along for the ride, hanging back ready to save you if need be. If you keep him at the table where you’re sitting, or playing a game close by, you can signal and get the “Hey! Come over here!” save, if you need it. The trick to this type of meeting is not to turn it into a cold approach. If you have to walk more than 8 feet to talk to her, you’re too far away and this can become awkward. Try to position yourself near her (not right next to her) at a table or the bar before the attempted meeting.

Let me introduce you to my friend (a guy friend introduces you)

This is probably the best way to meet women. It is especially useful if your friend knows the girl better than just casually. People put great emphasis on their “friend’s friends” because they know and understand what it takes to be a friend to that person. There’s also a false-sense of security that goes along with this type of meeting. The girl, usually, believes that her ‘guy friend’ wouldn’t try to hook her up with a one-night-stand. So you’re already ahead of the game in that respect!

Let me introduce you to my friend (a girl friend introduces you)

couple talkThis can be even more effective than the guy friend method. I say ‘can be’ because of the subconscious stipulations that occur when a meeting of this type happens. If a girl at your local hang out introduces you to one of her girl friends, there is generally an underlying set of questions (that your target has) that can’t be answered right away. “Were they ever involved?”, “How did it end, if they were”, “Would she introduce me to him if he was an ex?” These can be tricky to work around (especially if you did date the friend!) But, fear not, and stay on your “A” game. If you dated the girl that introduced you, try to stay away from the topic. Don’t blatantly avoid it, though, because she’ll see right through you.

Chapter2: What to Wear

The long-awaited second chapter of my article “Tricks of the Trade”.  See the first post here See the whole category here. There are 3 more chapters, one each week, so get your learn on and check back next Sunday!

Now, get to reading…

Chapter 2: Dressing the part

First, the Disclaimer

I am, by no means a fashion guru. In fact, most of my fashion sense comes from Fashion Victimreproducing the trends I see on other men. A good practice, I’ve found, is to take a leisurely walk through the ‘high-end’ stores in the mall. These stores usually include Abercrombie & Fitch, The Gap, Structure, etc. Pay attention to what the men in the posters and marketing drops are wearing. This is usually a great indicator of what’s currently popular and considered ‘trendy’. I also highly recommend asking a woman (an impartial friend, acquaintance, or friend’s girlfriend) what looks best on you.

Brand vs. Price

Men's FashionIf your clothing brand is important to you, by all means, pick up the latest fashions at these top-dollar stores. If however, you’re like me and don’t want to spend $40 on a pair of boxer shorts… Once you’ve finished making your mental shopping list, hit the local JC Penny, Ross, or other moderately-priced clothing stores and find equivalents to what you’ve picked out for yourself.

Color and Style

The general rule of thumb here is to keep your colors evenly matched (as much as possible). No one will make fun of you for wearing a yellow shirt with khakis or jeans, but leave the green cargo pants at home.   Just keep the colors mute and simple, no purple, neon anything, or other wild colors.  Another tip: Stay away from pleated pants.  They never fit right, and they bunch in the crotch when you sit.

Shoes

black shoesIgnoring GQ Magazine (not even going to link those assbags), no man needs more than 4 pair of shoes. Find yourself a nice pair of black shoes, and a pair of brown shoes. These shoes should have laces and be leather or suede. Pick up a nice pair of tennis shoes, not too much color. And get a nice pair of sandals for the beach/pool/Jacuzzi.

T-Shirts

You can’t have too many. Try to buy at least 2 in as many colors as you can find. Screen printed T’s are coming back in style as well. Keep in mind that these are very casual and should be used for those types of occasions only. 90% of the time I wear a solid T-shirt under my ‘going out’ shirt, which is usually a stripped polo, or a long sleeve solid color shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows.

Dress to impress

Always try to dress for the occasion, which usually means, dress for where you’re going. If it’s the local bar, take it down a notch. Being over-dressed is just as bad as being under-dressed. Safe rule of thumb: The local bar and the Trendy restaurant: jeans, T’s, polo shirts. The cool bookstore: Jeans or pants, long sleeve shirt.

Chapter 1: Where to Go

The long-awaited (yeah, right LOL) chapter 1 of my article “Tricks of the Trade”.  See the first post here See the whole category here.  There are 4 more chapters, one each week, so get your learn on and check back next Sunday!

Now, get to reading…

Chapter 1: Location

Choosing where to do your “opposite sex shopping” isn’t quite as key as these establishments would like you to believe. I’ve met women in bars, nightclubs, supermarkets, and colleges everywhere. Here are a few pointers however, that will prove to be better than most.

The local bar:

Everyone has a local bar in their area. I have one specific place I like to hang out. These places should be synonymous with “having a good time” and “relaxing atmosphere”. There should be music, but not rock-concert-blow-you-out-of-your-seat-loud music. If you’re yelling at the person sitting next to you to communicate, find another bar. Try to pick a place with dart boards, pool tables, and a friendly staff. All of these items together add up to a great place to hang out, and have fun.

The trendy restaurant

Trendy Bar

Don’t confuse “trendy” with “expensive”. An eight-dollar martini does not a trendy restaurant make. The key points to this type of place are the crowd, and the atmosphere. Try to find the restaurant where the locals hang out, a nice round or oval bar conducive to large crowds is also important. Applebee’s and Chili’s restaurants usually DO NOT fit this description. Look for something a little more personal, a little less corporate. A restaurant with a nice sized FULL bar is usually best.

The ‘cool’ bookstore

Although the “Borders”/”Starbucks” type of establishments are usually a little more hip/trendy than I like to be, these are still pretty good places to meet women if you have the right “in”. We’ll talk about the “in” later. The ‘cool’ bookstore should be big enough to have a nice selection, but small enough to be intimate. Stay away from the colossal “Barnes and Noble” type outlets.

The laid-back nightclub

small clubThe nightclub approach to meeting women is a tricky, windy, and dangerous road. The fact that your conversation with a potential target is skewed by pounding music and sweaty dancers usually ends in disappointment. However, the right place, with the right music can really set the stage for a great meeting. Try to find a place with the music turned down a notch. Not too trendy and upscale, but not a dive either. These types of places usually have large, modern looking furniture, post-modern impressionistic art, and cool lighting. A well-cared-for fish tank is a good sign as well.

Tricks of the Trade

Bar GirlsWell, here it is.  I’ve decided to share my “Tricks of the Trade” articles with you folks.  I’ll be posting it over the next 5 weeks or so.  Originally, this was an article only available on an old server of mine protected by a username/password that only my closest friends would get.  But, I’m ready to share it with the world.

What is it?

This guide is a combination of an award-winning article I wrote for an online E-Zine (online magazine, early days of the internet) about 7 years ago, and some of my more recent lessons-learned.  I hope you find it useful!

Who is this guy?

The KeyboardDevil is a 30-ish self-described “pro-dater” living in central Florida.

How to read it:

I suggest that you read this piece in its entirety before trying any of the methods explained.  Many of the topics are visited more than once, and you’ll find useful information on the actual ‘how to’ at the end in “Closing the deal”.  This is not the “end-all-be-all” guide to dating. It’s a personal collection of my favorite tried-and-true methods, it is to be used as a guide only.

See the whole article in the Tricks of the Trade catagory