Comcast Fail, level 999

Another run in with our cable company, another two and a half hours on the phone, and another complete failure in every conceivable way.

So three weeks ago I get a call on my cell phone with promises of “the X1 operating system, free HBO, free Starz, and upgraded internet speed” all for the low, low price of $130/month. Not only that, we’ll get to keep both of our DVR’s and no other changes in our service agreement.  I thought it sounded too good to be true.  Turns out, as usual, I was right. Honestly, this one is on me.  I knew better and every time, every damned time, I make a change to my cable service, I get screwed. But, I blindly believed what I was being told and signed up.

Two weeks goes by and no equipment, no email, no phone call.  I even logged into my credit report to ensure I didn’t get taken by some scam artist who promised me he was Comcast only to talk me out of my personal information.  Thinking back on this, maybe an encounter with someone trying to steal my identity would be less painful.

The website never seems to have agent chat available anymore, so I did what I always regret and called Comcast customer service.

After being half-helped and hung up on, twice, and holding for a total of at least 45 minutes, I got someone who had an IQ higher than that of a cucumber (only just) and we started the dance of agony that is Comcast’s verification process. I beat her to the punch: “my name is ——, my address is —–, and the last 4 digits of my social are —–. Can we please move forward?!”

I explained that I agreed to a new 2-year contract in exchange for the HBO, Starz, DVR boxes, wireless internet, blah, blah… Nothing had arrived, no one had contacted me, blah, blah, etc.

The agent pulls up my account information and explains that although the order was “put in but never shipped”.  Thank you, captain obvious. He went on to explain that we were not, in fact, receiving two DVR’s, we were getting one X1 DVR that would record up to 5 shows at the same time, and a “companion box” that would be able to play those shows in any other room (wherever the companion box was). I was disappointed and asked to be contacted by a manager and to put the whole order on hold until I could get answers.

Fast forward three days, and the fucking package with my new equipment shows up at my door step. So much for the “hold”.  Add to this that the DVR service stopped working in every room of our house, so holding off on installing the new equipment was basically pointless.

So the hell with it, I’ll eat the 2 year agreement and stay with the X1 companion box thing… I can’t imagine we’ll record more than 5 shows simultaneously.

Let’s plug in this stuff and get to it.  Internet modem fires right up, living room box is SLOW to start up and load working channels, but eventually it gets working.

Last step was to instal the bedroom “companion box” that had caused all the kerfuffle. “Please enter your account number and phone number”, I click continue and… “This box needs to be added to your account. Please call 888 blah blah blah” FUCK MY LIFE.

3 customer service agents, one hang up, 54 minutes on hold. I was asked to “verify my account information” 4 times.  FOUR FUCKING TIMES for a series of people to send multiple “reset signals sent to box”, and “can you please read me the error code again?”. And let’s not forget: “Sir, Starz isn’t included in your package, I’m not sure why the agent told you that it was”. “Of course not” I replied. “Of course not…”

After all of that, I’m awarded with nothing. Box is still broken, and a technician has to call me tomorrow between 5 and 9 PM.  $100 says I get no call.  I wonder how many times I’ll have to validate my information, unplug and re plug-in my box and receive “reset signals” before I get transferred to yet another asshat who can’t help me after I decide I’ve waited long enough and call the god damned 800 number. Be sure to tune in the next time I get my Xfinity internet service restored so I can blog about how pissed off I am about the 40 year contract they forced me into.