Never anything on

Ever notice that there’s never anything on?  Well, if you have Comcast you do.  Because their fucking cable service doesn’t work.

That’s right… It’s broken again.  Here’s the latest score:

brokeSunday, my cable box in the living room started freaking out.  Blank screens, no guide information, sound would go out, DVR recordings wouldn’t play, etc.

So, on the phone we go…  Again.  After holding for what felt like 30 years, I hung up and went to the online chat.  As usual the agent had me restart the box, read the serial number, restart again, hop on one foot while reciting the Greek alphabet and burning incense, but… No dice.

All I ever got back from the cable box was a lonely “0” on the screen and no sound or video.

The agent informed me that the box is toast, and they had to swap it out.  Now I’ve had some experience with the repair jackasses coming to the house, so I opted for the “ship the new cable box” option.  It arrived Wednesday.

I plugged in the new box, and went through the online activation instructions (http://www.comcast.com/activate/) which didn’t work.  I know, I was surprised too!

The box reported via error message on the screen to call an 800 number.  That number took me to a menu with no option for my problem.  A second failure.

Finally, I went online and started another chat.  After unplugging the box, a ceremonial fencing match with technology, and a great deal of “I’m so sorry you are having that problem, sir” commentary, it finally started working.

sucksToday is Thursday.  The very next FUCKING day.  Now the cable box in the bedroom is freaking out.  Won’t play DVR’d shows, no sound, no picture, random fucking broken bullshit.

This time I decide to skip the phone bullshit and go straight to the web.  In a show of amazing patience and good nature, I don’t type in all caps and call the agent any names.  Although, I must admit the lure of vulgar vernacular was almost too strong.

Long story, longer… One of their technicians will be at the house Sunday between 5 and 7.  Which, when translated to Comcast technician-ese means Saturday at 11:00 AM when no one is fucking here…  Again.

Better than broken, how about MORE broken?

Before you read the email string this week, let me catch you up on today’s events:

We drove down to the Kay’s this afternoon to pick up the bracelet from it’s number 4 visit  to the repair shop.

Failure and.. More failureThe sales associate who has been there for literally this entire process, takes the bracelet out of the bag and sets it on the counter.  Before I can even say anything, we notice that there is a stone missing.  No, not the one that was missing when we sent it in…  A different one.

Yeah, that’s right.  The repair shop replaced the missing stone, “pressed” in a new post, and put the bracelet into a shipping bag MISSING ANOTHER STONE.

At this point, the sales associate marks down another damage form (something we’re very used to seeing now) and puts the bracelet back in the bag to be sent in again to the repair shop.  At that point, I type out this email on my phone:

We are at Kay’s in gulf coast RIGHT NOW to pick up the bracelet and there is another stone missing from the bracelet. We haven’t even left the store!!
It actually came FROM THE REPAIR shop missing another stone. See attached photos.

The associate is sending it back again… This is the fifth time! Four times just this month.

I am done waiting. i need a response on this issue immediately.

In the defense of Kay’s, the corporate office responded quickly with this message:

Thank you for your reply.

Once I received your email I called the store and spoke to Mary, the associate you just worked with. She said you had already left. I did try to call the numbers we have on your repair tickets (386-xxx-xxxx and 407-xxx-xxxx) but it went to voice mail. I told Mary that we will be doing an exchange on the bracelet as opposed to another repair. If possible please go back into the store and Mary will be able to give you more details. You can also call me at 1-800-xxx-xxxx ext. 1224.

Later tonight, just a few minutes ago, I sent this one:

Thanks for getting back to me.
Based on your response “we will be doing an exchange”, I’m guessing that the plan for me to receive a replacement bracelet as opposed to a refund?  I think the main issue with this bracelet is the design.  The store associate told us today that the posts weren’t being soldered into place they were being “pressed” which is probably why they keep falling out.  Additionally, with the continuous loss of stones I am convinced the way they are held in is also flawed.  I do not want another one of these bracelets.

So, we’ll see what happens.

But let’s not lose sight of the important part here.  The important part is that Kay’s, as a company, has completely failed on the part of customer service.  They have completely failed on their responsibility to either stand behind their products, or offer a sound explanation when they refuse to do so.  And until today’s angry email (number SEVEN) they have completely failed, on multiple occasions, to make this right, offer me ANY kind of  reimbursement, exchange… Or even a fucking coupon.

Flush it!For two weeks now, I’ve been living the cycle of sending an angry email, dropping off the bracelet, picking up the bracelet, which is fucking BROKEN AGAIN and, sending another angry email.  Two fucking weeks!  Consider the hourly salary of the woman at the local Kay’s combined with the woman in the corporate office that has been literally poured down the fucking toilet!  It would have been cheaper (by probably THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS) for them to have written me a fucking check from the start!

Fired!I am completely blown away over the massive ineptitude, and the gross misuse of company resources.  If I sat on Kay’s board of directors and came across this blog, I would fire everyone who touched this case, I would FIRE every one of them and each of their managers for gross negligence and a massive waste of company resources.  Then, I would copy every line of these stories and paste them into a Power Point presentation and travel the fucking country giving a presentation on “HOW NOT TO DO SHIT”.

But, maybe that’s just me being crazy.  Maybe that’s just me being angry and silly and crazy.  I mean, why make efforts to save the company money when you can cause all of this drama and push a guy into blogging negatively about your company and its products for weeks.  That’s such a better idea, isn’t it?

Zombies, end of days, and more failure

Zombies Walk Sydney City StreetsAs the now-famous Miami “Face-Chewing” victim continues to heal from his zombie apocalypse moment, and we’ve managed to scrape by on another end-of-the-world scenario, I’d like to look back on another year in ridiculousness and stupidity.

This would-be criminal used his smartphone to display his stick-em-up note.

Presumably potato-educated guy in Idaho gives police fake name while wearing very visible tattoo of his actual name.

Some genius tried to get a newscaster deported for exercising his right to free speech.

Can't make this shit upThe only thing better than Republican Todd Akin’s comments about the female body rejecting rape sperm was this judge repeating it.  Seriously, these guys are fucking awesome at being asshats.

While we’re on the subject, a Google search for Rick Santorum no longer results in… Bodily fluids and… “interesting” images.

Somebody please tell this guy to stop talking to chairs and that he should stick to movies.  In fact, scratch that last part.

Media Monster“Honey Boo Boo”, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher are still on TV.  Come on America, it’s just insulting at this point.

Fucktard Mark Basseley Youssef makes a shitty hate movie, world blames his shitty movie for every violent act for weeks.

This fiscal bullshit is still happening proving yet again that the idiot we voted for is exactly as useless as the rest of the idiots we voted for.  In related news, I still tell everyone I’m Canadian when I travel internationally.

Disney proved (again) that they can release an agonizingly bad film, and still be involved in some pretty cool ones.

151 people died in mass shootings this year, and our nation’s response is to ban guns.  Being that I’m awfully fond of my car, I’m not going to mention this year’s projected 32,000 deaths caused by traffic accidents.

Please stop

I could go on, but do I really have to?  I think we can all agree that this horse is barely recognizable as a mammal at this point.  I hate to be the “this-year-was-the-worst” guy on the internet, but come on America!!  This is embarrassing on a global scale.