My cable company: Failcast

You might say, “The Devil knows software”.  You might say “Yeah, he’s been doing that for a little while”.  And you’d be right.  I do know software.  I know software as a service as if I’d been doing it my whole life for massive Fortune 100 companies.  And that’s because I HAVE.  So here’s a nice example of a complete and utter failure of “Software as a Service”:  Three weeks straight.  That’s how long our OnDemand functionality has been on the fritz.  Not consistently  mind you.  But on-again-off-again (more often off than on) for the past three weeks.  “How long have you had this service?” you might find yourself asking.  And I would answer… 3 weeks.

Yeah, just about every fucking day since I started this service it has been broken.  I’ve been on the phone with tech support at least seven times.  I have their menu systems memorized.  Seriously, I do.

Thursday marked the second time they’ve sent techs out to the house.  I should mention that it will also mark the 3rd time they’ve promised to send techs to the house.  That second one just never came to fruition, but who’s counting?  So, Wednesday (a full day early) a tech shows up and tells my girlfriend that he was able to “fit us in”, spends an hour looking at the cable box, and determines that “the problem is with the lines outside”.  So, now he’s going to send another tech to the house tomorrow…

Friday comes, and guess fucking what?  NO ONE SHOWS UP.  Again…

Last week I tweeted to @ComcastCares who’s Twitter account boasts “My name is Bill Gerth also known as @comcastcares. My background is Computer Networking and I really enjoy helping others.”

@ComcastBill Very disappointed in service, OnDemand has been down every day for a week, 800-number is no help. Another refresh signal? LOL

And, inevitably I got a response, which was promptly deleted after I sent him a link to this blog post.

@KeyboardDevil How can I help?

We also spent an hour on the phone with tech support again.  Mostly because I like the sound of their voices.  It isn’t so much what they say, because I don’t speak Comcast-Islandese, which I have to assume is the language they are speaking when I get an actual human on the phone, but more the sound of their voice.  It’s soothing in a dental drill kind of way, and reminds me of filing my taxes.

The sheer red-hot-fire-poker-in-the-eye of “And who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?” and “Please try unplugging the unit, again” truly enhance my customer experience.

Unplug the unit… Brilliant, I hadn’t thought of that, nor had I tried to do it while sitting through 40 minutes of hold music and the reminder “Your call is important to us”.

Thank god, Comcast associate.  Thank god you are here to guide me through this difficult time in our relationship.

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